Mother Mary Francis, P.C.C. (1921–2006), was the abbess of the Poor Clare Monastery in Roswell, New Mexico. She was an accomplished author and writer of thirteen books, seven plays, and numerous poems.
I recently read a meditation by Mother Mary Francis entitled “How to Receive Others in His Name,” and I wanted to share some thoughts on her thoughts.
In this meditation, Mother Mary Francis offers us a lesson in humility—a humility that comes from understanding others. I imagine that each of us has struggled to find this kind of humility when interacting with someone who is different from us. Mother Mary Francis uses a very common example when she writes:
“It is in this way that the extrovert deplores the sensitiveness of the introvert, and the introvert is secretly scornful of the insensitiveness of the extrovert.”
Her main theme is that we can never completely understand the people closest to us. Because every person is unique, we should approach others with humility, patience, and respect, rather than assuming we know what they think or feel.
Everyone is a mystery, and in her eyes, that is the starting point for truly knowing another person. Even people we know well have thoughts, feelings, and experiences that we may never fully understand. We should respect that mystery and the uniqueness of every individual. True understanding begins when we recognize that we do not know everything about another person.
I was especially moved by these words:
“The point is not to ferret out the mysteries of another personality, but to wait humbly outside the portal in case one might ever be needed inside.”
How hard it is to wait “outside the portal” when we are sure that we have the answers—or even the prescription for wellness—that another person needs.
I am most certainly guilty of not waiting. Because, of course, my thoughts and opinions are not only needed but essential!
Mother Mary Francis then writes my favorite sentence from the meditation:
“It is a false and devouring love that seeks to pick the locks of another soul, but it is a humble and detached love which observes and waits at the door.”
These words were a gut punch for me.
I had to ask myself: How many times do I act as a thief—a potential safecracker of the soul?
The meditation teaches us that true love and understanding require humility. Instead of trying to control or completely understand others, we should respect their uniqueness, listen to their experiences, and remain willing to learn from them.
If we are constantly trying to barge into someone’s life, cracking the safe of their soul, we are not only failing to connect with another human being—we are also losing the opportunity to learn from that person.
Perhaps the challenge is not to figure everyone out.
Perhaps the challenge is to wait at the door.
To listen.
To remain present.
To respect the mystery of another person.
And to recognize that we may not always be the teacher. Sometimes, we are the student.
Mother Mary Francis leaves us with a beautiful reminder:
“We are always learners, and everyone with whom we live is our teacher.”
Nick Cichowicz
Director of Faith Formation
